“Home is where the heart is.” A well known phrase, seen sown onto pillows or framed and hung up on walls, making for tacky decoration. Most people have a good idea of where their home is… the place where they were born, where they grew up, and where all their childhood memories lie. Home… giving the common man a sense of security, belonging, familiarity, and comfort. Home… in most cases, a great part of one’s identity.
Where are you from? A question, which – thanks to my terrible German – I get asked way more often than I would like care to admit. My answer: I don’t know. Many are incapable of comprehending how this is possible.
I was born in Spain where I lived until I was 6. I then moved to Miami where I lived 3 years surrounded by Cuban influences not only from my family but from the rest of Miami’s population (which is 102% Cuban). I then lived in Palm Beach where I met my American family for the first time at the age of 11, and finally – at the age of 17 – I moved to Germany.
I see a small part of myself in the Spanish culture, I have memories from my first years of existence, memories that are distant but present. I love going to Barcelona, visiting friends, drinking Café con Leché and Colacao, eating Tortilla de Patatas, and walking down el Paseo de Gracia, but am I from Spain? No. I get a rush of joy at the sound salsa music, I crave Croquetas, Tostones, and Lechón like they are water. I learned “caballero! ñoooo! and asére que bola?” before I knew “dude! crap! and hey, whats up?”… My closest family is Cuban and Miami is very special to me but, am I Cuban? Pues, mira que no. Palm Beach, where do I even begin? Here is where I went to school the longest, where I met my best friend, where I learned to play music, where I met my dad. I love going back to Palm Beach, hanging out at City Place, Clematis, Down Town Lake Worth, and having pizza at my favorite pizza place. But am I a Palm Beacher? Am I American? No.
Germany, biologically 50% of who I am. I have fallen in love with the country, I have made some of the greatest friends ever here, friends who can’t begin to imagine how grateful I am to have them in my life. I have gained a new perspective of the world, I have gained access to a whole new way of life: a new community and a whole new language. Despite my biological composition and my current geographical location, however, I am also not German. Germany, although it sometimes feels like it, is also not my home.
My heart feels like it is being pulled at from many directions, with an equal amount of force from each one. So, as one can imagine, it can get overwhelming at times, but this is my greatest gift. The memories and experiences I have, the exposure, the knowledge, and the love that having lived all of this has brought me have made me richer now than any amount of wealth could ever make me. I feel within me an ability to love and appreciate the world in a way not possible by all people. I can only say that although I have no one place to call home, no strong sense of belonging to a single place, I attribute the true genuine happiness, which i am fortunate enough to be graced by 90% of the time, to the incredible luck I have had. I have had the possibility to be what my mom likes to call a Citizen of the World.
My purpose in sharing this is not to brag or be pretentious (or at least not consciously), but to give a little insight on what it feels like not to belong; to share with you all that not belonging, not firmly believing in a single country, culture, or group of people, is the greatest source of my happiness because I have that much more to love.
Where am I from? What am I? I am from Planet Earth (some might question this one), I am Human (and maybe this one too)… but most importantly, I am Happy.
Our home is your home. Always.