It’s safe to say that pretty much anyone and everyone (except Meryl Streep) has experienced some form of serious rejection, whether it be personal, artistic, academic, you name it. I was sung the classic Rolling Stones song “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” at a very young age, and I quickly learned that rejection is inevitable. In the past, I’ve had a really difficult time dealing with rejection, telling myself that I would never meet anyone’s expectations and that I simply didn’t meet the criteria that was necessary to succeed. It took me about 6 years to finally understand the one thing you can do in order to prevent major rejection getting in the way of your objective: make that punk your partner for life. Here are some wonderful tips that I’ve taught myself to live by in dealing with denial:
Find the Humor in the Situation
Being someone whose childhood has consisted mainly of Saturday Night Live reruns, I understand the comfort behind humor and the pure joy it brings to those dealing with hardship. A wonderful coping skill I’ve taught myself is exploring the humor of every situation. Usually, when one is rejected, they tell themselves that “it’s not fair,” and that they “didn’t deserve this.” Finding the ridiculousness and light of any situation, positive or negative, doesn’t necessarily make it all better, but it definitely eases the blow temporarily. Sometimes, we forget to find light in dark situations, and it’s extremely important to not only balance out your emotions, but to allow yourself to give yourself some time to process and absorb rejection.
Adapt and Overcome
Now, when receiving the news of pure denial towards something that you care about and have put in a great deal of work into, it takes a very strong person to automatically say “Ohp, that’s alright! Life goes on! I’ve accepted this! Back to work!” Usually, you want to curl up into fetal position, contemplate everything, eat, and then watch a Pixar movie. It’s only natural and humane for one to respond to rejection is such a way that makes you want to cry your own personal swimming pool. However, there has to come a time when you pick yourself up, and honestly tell yourself that you’re able to move on, and focus on the next best thing. Sure, being denied this specific opportunity/person hurts like an open wound, but the pain will only expand and deepen if you keep digging at it; accept the circumstances given, and keep on keepin’ on.
Focus on Improvement, Not Success
Primarily at school, I see that students lose sight on the process, and pivot more towards the overall product of what they’re trying to accomplish. It’s extremely vital that you find what you can improve on, and work on those weaknesses in order to actually achieve your overall goal. Many times, I’ve prioritized success more than the actual action of how to succeed. When you’ve done the work, and permit yourself to improve your flaws, then you will have full access to achievement.
Rejection, no matter how big or small, can hurt, but only if you allow it to. Rather than having a negative connotation with denial, see it more as an opportunity to improve and be even better. I mean, let’s be real here, in ten years, you’re not going to look back and pout about how you didn’t get a role in a high school musical, a “B” in physics your junior year, etc etc. It’s vital that teenagers understand that rejection can create even better outcomes than success. Having rejection as your life partner is like any other life partner – you can get extremely annoyed at all their little ticks and quirks, but in the end, you’re appreciative of everything that they’ve given you, and the person they’ve shaped you into today.