10 Things I Would Like You To Know About Living With Mental Illnesses. A Perspective Piece.

As ‘Mental Health Awareness Week’ comes to a close, I would like you to know a few of these things about living with a mental illness.

Artwork by author

1) I’m not searching for attention. I’m not looking for your pity. Please, please, please, don’t. Just don’t even go there. I am not your glorified so-called “Emo Tumblr Girl/Boy/Etc”, please stop glorifying mental illness.

2) There are good days and bad days. Some days I wake up, and depending on the day, I can’t find the courage to get out of bed. Other days I get up and want to rule the world.

3) Please don’t try and empathize with me. Don’t tell me you know how I feel, or that you went through that phase. Please don’t. If you try and relate your fish dying when you were five to my severe anxiety, chances are I may look at you like you have a third eye. If that was a traumatic experience for you, I am genuinely sorry. Mental illness is not a competition, no one wins if they have it worse.

4) Medication is not a sign of weakness. Neither is therapy. If anything, it is a sign that you are strong enough to realize it is okay to get help. It isn’t the right thing for everyone, but just because it isn’t right for you, doesn’t mean it isn’t right for someone else. Everyone copes with their own problems in different ways, whether that be through breathing techniques, stress toys, therapy, or medication, do not judge one or their choice to become the person they want to be.

5) Therapy isn’t just for people with mental illnesses. Anyone and everyone can go. It is usually covered by your healthcare provider. It is great. It is sort of like having a BFF who has to listen to you. You vent, and cry a lot. That is so okay. Their offices usually smell really good and they have a lot of books, so if you don’t believe them, most likely they can show you in writing. It also takes a lot to find the right one, it is sort of like the slipper from Cinderella, you go through a lot until you find the right one.

6) Stop telling me to just get over it. This is not something to just throw away to the sidelines. “Hey at least you can walk, be grateful!”, “So many people have it worse!”, “C’mon your fine, its all in your head.” It isn’t just mental, sometimes I get such bad anxiety attacks I have to sit down and let my body come back to normal before I can even perform normal tasks. My muscles are always sore. And contrary to popular belief, panic attacks are not fun. I have to make an effort, every moment of every day, just to make sure I don’t fall apart.

7) Sometimes I can’t explain what is wrong. Most times I just feel like I’m drowning, and honestly, if I could give some sort of explanation of what was wrong, I so would. But sometimes I get so wrapped up in my head that if you ask me if I’m okay, chances are that I am not, and I can’t talk about it. And trust me, I would so like to tell you what was wrong, but I can’t. I just can’t.

8) Paranoia sucks. No one likes me, all my friends secretly hate me, why are people staring at me, oh shit there is something on my pants, oh crap did I leave the oven on, everyone is plotting against me; just day to day thoughts. Sometimes it gets so irrational you question your entire existence. Reassurance is key. Having someone remind you they love you or that you look pretty is just so amazingly wonderful. Tell someone you love them, it might mean the world.

9) Don’t generalize. If you had a cousin who had depression once, please don’t try and tell me that they got over it, or that it was just a phase, or that you know what I’m going through. Everyone is different, I know it is coming from a good place, but please don’t put me in that space, I am my own person, I am experiencing my own problems.

10) My mental illness does not define me. I push myself everyday to make myself a functional member of society. Just because I have a mental illness does not mean I am damaged goods. I may have broken pieces, but I am working towards being whole again. I can’t even tell you how long it took me to get to this point of self confidence, but I am pretty awesome.

Everyone is going through their own thing. Please be patient with us. We are trying.

Note: All of these are strictly my opinions, and my experience with mental illness. Just to restate number nine: don’t generalize.